Monday:

Star I friend arrives complete with 'pleases’ and ‘thank yous' and the ability to take his own shoes off. Lovely.  Lunchtime brings with it the arrival of two more friends initiating pizza-fest: "Oh they're both the same!"   Then there'll be no fighting will there? Spit spot,  Mary Poppins rising....

Decamp to local park where Star I and friends play that well known game 'dodging the dog shit' (why is it EVERYWHERE!!!!!!), while Star II aims for the outer atmosphere on the swings.

Home sweet home and on to work.

Tuesday:

Star I great friend arrives at 8.30, pick up another at 10, three  10-11year olds and one 4 year old  = panic? No, park!.........again, meet up with yesterday’s guest so all five boys rampage for two hours, then home for hot-dogs, my job done ....... only to hear the words ........

"Where are we going this afternoon?"

"I want a bike ride"

"I want to take my scooter"

"I want to rollerblade"

"Er.....right... ok"  Luckily I am well versed in local knowledge of lovely farm tracks, previously used for running in splendid isolation. So trusty Renault is packed to the gunwales with two bikes, one scooter, rollerblades and water, oh yes and four boys various.

Beautiful sunshine accompanies our trip, the countryside idyll  challenged only by my  repetition of "Remember the blue one has no brakes...." Not in my nature to do risk, but there is a first aid box in the car ...... somewhere.  Anyway if all else fails, plenty of room for the Air Ambulance to land out here.

Eccentric, yes really, at 11, and wonderful friend  chances his arm and indeed the rest of his body, in the little-known sport of rollerblading uphill, with surprising success.

"Don't worry Sandra, I looked up 'Falling made easy' on the net."  Of course, silly me ......

By the time I'd made it to the top of the track and towed Star II  back on his scooter via the use of my best scarf, the others had made it back to car, abandoned the bikes and blades and taken to the trees having scaled a muddy bank en route.

Sensing imminent fall-out  - "You're pathetic if you can't get up here!!" - "Ouch there's a thorn in my finger!" etc - suggest not only a spoonful of sugar but a walk across the fields to the village park. I manhandle all things with wheels into the Renault and, with water running perilously low, stride  determinedly over the style and around the fields. "Keep off the crops !!!"  Country Code's wasted on this lot.

The famous four play ‘It' for what seems like an eternity until one of them gets a major strop on, decide on immediate departure.

"Last one back to the car 's a prick!"

"Sorry boys what did you say?!!!" All that English homework is paying off I see. Hoping the  continuing colourful language is carried away by the rising winds, I  cajole a tired but determined 4 yr. old  back to the car. Upon our return one of the merry troop declares, "Thank God we're back home, I hate being outside."  Fine .....

Praying that their mothers have really good washing powders we wave a cheery goodbye. Felt I'd actually achieved something, managed a small but marauding group of would-be adolescents with relative ease, having prepared a casserole earlier.  RESULT.

Knock at the door, lovely friend with two boys, one fresh from his lumbar puncture, surprisingly chirpy and both very hungry.  Husband arrives home to find said casserole disappearing down small gullets, still, great to see unwell small person on such good form.

Wednesday:

Guilt sets in about my lack of family commitment, so invite sister-in-law and niece to the Arboretum, aka "Oh no not here AGAIN".  Should point out that sister-in-law is completely immaculate, having her round for a coffee initiates mass hoovering of the cutlery draw, so you can only imagine the horror that is cleaning the car  to its suitably gleaming best. There are some stains you just can't shift and even a blow torch will not remove that Smartie stuck on the seat ..... anyway .....  Amid the Arboretum’s spectacular autumn hues the cousins play hide 'n' seek for hours, we have a lovely lunch and even manage the shop experience with consummate ease.   Success.

Later Stars I & II are to tea with a friend and niece leaves to complete level 47 in her piano exam. Peace, perfect peace........ Am then transported to nearby beautiful new palace of friend who prepares a fabulous Italian meal, much merriment, home to bed  12.30.....

Thursday:

Jaded but up with the lark for first client at 8.30, a nice but fidgety boy who is on his way to Wales, well you can't have everything. Raining now but, ever the optimist, set off with intrepid friend to local Forestry Commission haunt. Now misty, wet and muddy .. excellent. Due to new but predictable  financial crisis, the picnic's not up to its usual bounteous best, but brilliant friend saves the day by producing chocolate brownies in the gloom. If she were Nigella you could of course hate her, but never this kindred spirit. Bless her, took  Stars I & II back for tea and even washed their mud-soaked clothes!

Not many people like that I think ..... unless of course ... she's actually concerned for the welfare of my children? ............ Hadn't thought of that .......

Friday:

Seriously complex. Work at  9, 10, 11, and 12. Star I is picked up at 9.30 and taken to a friend, while a little chum of Star II comes to play at 10.  At 12 Star I and two friends return for lunch, so five for lunch. Due to the obvious lack of a Red Cross food parcel,  persuade three 10 -11 yr. olds that it's still cool to eat carrot and cucumber sticks and two 4 yr olds that sandwiches and chips are actually haute cuisine ...couldn't change the water into freshly squeezed pomegranate juice either, must be losing my touch.

Little friend picked up at 2.30 and then transport Star II to another friend with his own quad bike!!!!

More work between 3 and 5, than cook buckets of pasta for remaining three who demolish it with gusto, after they have been ordered down from the shed roof on which they have built a 'den' ......

Where's that first aid kit..

After dropping them home, return to a house that I know is going to need more than a 'Sixty Minute Makeover'.  Demolition and re-build seem more appropriate, and decide to push on with my idea that the new look for the small garden at Chelsea should definitely be that of Goose Green after the Falklands conflict.  I'm a trend setter, excellent .........

So all in all, not a bad week, not bad at all. No fall-outs, no death or major injury and  plenty of inspiration for my new book, 'How to feed ten people on absolutely nothing'.