The inaugural Alresford charity 10K and 4K ‘Fun Run’ – always a contradiction in terms I feel – for the global eradication of polio. We enter en masse.

“Don’t you hate it when your training schedule gets interrupted,” bemoaned a slim, tanned 65-ish lady in the changing room. I nodded sage–like in agreement whilst picking my jaw and pelvic floor off the carpet. Glad I opted for the 4K.

Star II and I ran the 500m, he went off like a rocket, and “Come on Mum,” bit more of a warm-up than I’d anticipated.  Star I likewise in the 1K, briefly led the field. Both proudly displayed their medals with numerous photo opportunities.

Meanwhile the 10K runners were in serious pre-race preparations, ankles round the back of the neck and all that stuff. Then they were off.

After 24 loo stops, we few adults took our place for the 4K alongside a sea of junior runners, then we trot off also.  With sunglasses on and iPod up to 120 decibels I’m quite comfortable in my own, slightly sweaty, world. Until the downhill section is reached when the 10K runners lap me. Feel like a hippo stuck in a herd of migrating Gembok all with watches and pulse monitors. The stark realization being that they, like the kids, run with effortless 4-foot strides, gliding forward at speed. I  jog, going  up and down …a lot.

On the final bend a line of applauding marshals check their watches too, probably thought they’d be home long before now.  I lumber torturously towards the finish only to find Star I’s headmistress handing out the medals. Try not to look in need of oxygen.

Time? Two days 48 minutes, I’m up for the 10K next year.  Better start now.